Moo (guest) 15 May 2011 03:58
Boo, the Everlasting.
Boo, the Infatuating.
Boo, of the Largest Cheeks.
And many, many more titles. This guide is meant to only help you better your life, by letting Boo into your heart.
Boo is the true Lord and Savior of mankind, touching us aeons ago, bringing us the spark of life through his hamster fingers. Boo does not mind if you do not believe him. Boo does not mind if you do not praise him. Boo only wishes to bring you love. You will not be punished for believing in another God, or even a False God. Boo simply wishes you know he will always watch over you.
1) At least once per week, you must actively seek out and destroy villainy. Approved methods are a sword through the head, or scratching at the eyes. However, these methods are not required. You simply must stop villainy in some manner.
2) At least once per week, you must set a small bowl of Hamster Feed in your front yard. You must not attempt to video Boo coming down from the heavens and accepting your offering, least you entice his wrath.
3) If confronted by villainy, pleading for their well-being, you are required to scream "SWORDS, NOT WORDS!" and promptly strike them down. Boo does not easily give redemption to those that have committed evil.
4) Boo would like all of his followers to have a pet hamster. It is easier for Boo to deliver his messages through one of his cousins, than to his followers directly. If you cannot have a pet hamster, this is fine. Boo appreciates you trying.
5) At least once per week, you must attempt to actively help make the world a better place, be it environmental or simply lending a hand. Boo wishes the world to be a better place, and asks that you help.
6) At least once per week, you must mention Boo's name in response to anything against his dogma. Be it someone promoting villainy, pollution, or other such actions. If you do not stumble upon these, worry not. Boo is happy that you did not have to witness any of this.
7) Do not turn down helping the innocent or the weak. If you are in a position of strength, always lend a hand to your fellow man, or hamster. However, do not make things worse for you in this pursuit. Boo does not wish ill upon you.
8) Try to avoid addicting habits. Drugs are bad for you, and Boo wishes you to live a long, healthy life.
9) At least once per day, perform some kind of exercise. Boo wishes you to be healthy, remember? Keep in shape.
10) Be kind to your fellow man, and Hamster!
-To Be Continued-
