I posted my story a couple days ago and I was amazed by all the positive feedback i got.
You guys called me brave and strong but the fact is I guess I'm really not…
I am relapsing so bad and I can't stop panicking. A couple days after I posted that it started, I've been waking up 4-5 times everynight in a cold sweat and a panic with my heart beating so hard I feel like it's going to pop out of my chest..
The only time I've felt not panicked was when I was at my culinary school today baking doing what I love to do, but as soon as I left I started again.
There's only about 24 hours left and I am so scared. Nothing I do is convincing me that nothing will happen not even reading through this site like I usually do. Some of the people I love most in this world I won't be able to see until the weekend and I can't stop crying that I don't know if I'll ever see them again. I am thinking I have to shut my internet off soon because I keep going on godlikeproductions it's a compulsion and I can't stop, I go on, read what's being said and then delete my history so I won't again, but a few hours later I do the same thing again. Everyone on facebook is joking about it and talking about going to parties, a couple of my friends in bands are playing an "end of the world" show and I just wish I could be like that and think that it's funny and not be terrified. I see everyone making plans and I just can't. It just makes me hate myself that I can't be that way. I hate that I got out of that relationship and I've come so far only to fall right back into my fear again.
I'm freaking out about the UFO sightings all over, to me they looked like chinese lanterns but I don't understand why they keep being seen everywhere. Then the Discovery channel had to air that zombie special which is something I've always been afraid of and I just feel like everywhere I turn there's more doom and I can't escape. I couldn't even help hang christmas decorations and ornaments today because all i can picture is an earthquake knocking them all over and them crashing to the ground or a fire burning them up. I'm scared that it'll be just like the movie and the government doesn't want to tell us until the last day so that we'll know but they're won't be time for chaos. I know everything I'm thinking is irrational and I know the Mayans never made a prediction but I just can't shake it from my head no matter what I do. I just have a bad feeling and feel depressed and hopeless and just sick like I'm going to throw up.
The worst part is that honestly I think that even if nothing happens on Friday and the day passes like any normal day, I don't know if I'm going to feel any better especially since the date is disputed to be the 23rd. And with people saying that this whole 2012 hoax was designed as a distraction from something bad happening right afterwards. I'm afraid I'll get sucked into another doomsday and I'm afraid I'll never get better, since I was so sure I was better this time and clearly I'm not. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I'm sorry that I posted this because I know you guys have enough to deal with and you're probably tired of responding to posts like these, but I really have noone to talk to and I really needed to get my feelings out. :/